Monster's Maybes
by bucktooth22
Summary: music fic for the song Monster by Imagine Dragons. little bit of WolfStar little less Jilly. Remus's POV. oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Monster by Imagine Dragons.

 _Ever since I could remember,_

 _Everything inside of me,_

 _Just wanted to fit in_

 _I was never one for pretenders,_

 _Everything I tried to be,_

 _Just wouldn't settle in._

I thought maybe I'd found my place in the marauders. But I would never fit in. They were just seeing the side of me I put on for the world, normal old Remus. If they saw the real me, the me I hide away and pretend doesn't exist, if they saw that all this had been for pretend, just an act, a farce of normalcy they'd leave. And I'd be alone once again.

 _If I told you what I was,_

 _Would you turn your back on me?_

 _And if I seem dangerous,_

 _Would you be scared?_

 _I get the feeling just because_

 _Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

 _That this problem lies in me._

I looked over at Sirius where he was laying on the grass near me, eyes shut enjoying the warm sunshine. If I told him this secret I was hiding, he wouldn't be at such ease. He would be angry and scared and he would make that face that everyone else had when they found out. Luckily for me, I am good at memory charms. That way, when I touch the lives of others with mine I can erase the mark. If only I could erase the monster inside me.

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster,_

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger._

The more I try to hide it the more it consumes me. This secret from those closest to me, especially Sirius, is killing me more than the wolf ever did. I can't stand to be quiet much longer. My eyes linger on the lone candle lighting the room, its gentle light falling on Sirius's sleeping features with an eerie beauty. How can they ever see the real me as anything more than a monster?

 _Can I clear my conscience,_

 _If I'm different from the rest,_

 _Do I have to run and hide?_

 _I never said that I want this,_

 _This burden came to me,_

 _And it's made its home inside._

I'm such a freak, a monster that humans make wild tales about. I can never tell anyone my secret, I must hide it forever. No one can know and lying to my friends hurts, but it's for the best. The darkness inside me is too much weight for any shoulders but mine. Maybe one day I'll be able to stand tall and strong under the brunt of this heavy secret but that day will not come soon.

 _If I told you what I was,_

 _Would you turn your back on me?_

 _And if I seem dangerous,_

 _Would you be scared?_

 _I get the feeling just because,_

 _Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

 _That this problem lies in me._

I'm going to tell him, Sirius needs to know. He said he loves me but he still doesn't know my secret side, the darker version of myself. The other side of me that would tear him limb from limb if given the chance. But that chance will not come, he can never know. He needs to be kept at a safe distance, separate from me where I can do him no harm. So for now I'll tell him we should just stay friends even though it kills me. And I'll see him flirt with someone else and want to sob in a dark corner but he can't know that I'm hurting. So I'll smile and press my feelings somewhere deep, its better that way.

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster,_

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger._

I need to tell someone, its killing me. But of the three I contemplate telling, none seem suitable. Sirius, I could not bear to see the look of fear on his perfect features. Peter is an idiot beyond compare. James tells Sirius everything. But then again, he did keep his crush on Lilly a secret from even Sirius for a few years. I looked over to where James was eating; deciding today would be the day to tell. And so what if Sirius found out. Best case scenario, he would ask me out again and I would say no because I'm not good enough for someone as perfect as him. Worst, the three tell the whole school about me and everyone hates me. What have I got to lose aside from everything?

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster,_

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger._

I thought I'd found my place in the marauders. I thought I'd found my home in Sirius's arms. But then he'd turn into that mangy dog and wag his tail when girls cooed and pet him, giving the canine full view of their cleavage. Maybe he would never be fully mine. Maybe I would never truly belong. But then he'd look at me, brush off the girl's grabbing hands and press against my knees and I'd think...maybe...


End file.
